All season long you have counted on me to provide you with baseball insight and musings and I have let you down. The playoffs will offer more of the same sense of disappointment you have come to expect!
I decided to wait until the Wild Card games were complete before trying to predict the outcome of the rest postseason because of the one and done nature of the Wild Card round. I didn’t want to be proven wrong immediately. Now that we know that the Royals and Giants will be advancing to the Division Series I am ready to prognosticate:
I have crunched the number. 2014 is the only one that matters. Being an even-numbered year I have long feared the return of GIANTS DEVIL MAGIC. Their blowout victory over the Pirates is only just the beginning of a new era of NIGHTMARE BASEBALL. The wheels of fate have been set in motion and now we must accept our collective destiny: endless suffering and eternal damnation.
THE DIVISION SERIES
The Dodgers advance in dramatic fashion when the entire St. Louis roster and fan base are raptured.
THE LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
The first playoff series in the history of the storied Dodgers-Giants rivalry does not disappoint. In a thriller that goes right down to the wire the Giants become the first team to ever win all seven games in a best-of-seven series.
THE WORLD SERIES
In a rematch of the 2002 World Series, San Francisco faces Los Angeles of Anaheim. In a Fall Classic for the ages the Giants literally ride the Angels through the gates of Hell and into the warm embrace of Satan. The ensuing celebration destroys most of civilization. Those who survive are forced to watch the victors defile the spirits of their ancestors and tie little orange and black bandanas on all of their dead pets.
Now that we are all prepared for the worst let’s try to relax a little bit and just have some fun out there.
My body is ready.