Wild Pitches

At this point in time I feel that it is finally safe to conclude that the launch of Sports Net LA has been a disappointment. Time Warner Cable paid a record price for the rights to carry and distribute the all-Dodger channel, but it would seem that other carriers cannot justify paying their asking price for a channel built around a single “show” (live Dodger games) and little else of any interest to a broad audience. Dedicated postgame coverage and repeats of old games are obviously not being recognized in this marketplace as compelling content. What I would like to propose is that SNLA expand their lineup to include additional original scripted and unscripted programming to appeal to a wider subscriber base. This tactic has seemingly done wonders for Netflix, Hulu and Amazon (all of whom offer no live sports programming to compliment these shows and charge more than the reported $5 per month that TWC is asking from DirecTV and other cable/satellite providers). I have taken the liberty of developing several pilot pitches (as with all of my puns this one was of course intended):

Throughout his tenure as Dodger General Manager Ned Colletti was mercilessly bullied, mocked and harassed online. After accepting a promotion to Senior Advisor Ned now has the last laugh and time to pursue other interests…such as vengeance. In this brazen, unscripted hidden camera series follow Ned Colletti as he confronts strangers at their places of business and gives them frank, no holds barred assessments of how they’re doing their jobs. The tables have turned, how does it feel now that you’re on THE HOT SEAT?

As a former player and current manager Don Mattingly knows a thing or two about performing under pressure and intense scrutiny. Larry King has been married 18 times. Together they have the experience to answer even your most sensitive sex and relationship questions. They’re live in studio and operators are standing by. For a good time call 1-900- THE HOT SEAT.

To Bea or not to Bea? That is the question that is asked on this exciting new reality competition series where legendary Dodger Stadium organist Nancy Bea searches for the next generation of stadium organist. Will you make Nancy beam or will you get Nancy beat? If you can’t take the Nancy heat, get out of THE HOT SEAT.

She’s a little bit stat geek. He’s a little bit old school troll. In this hilarious new comedy love conquers ball when baseball’s first female general manager also happens to be her manager’s second wife. They say “OPS splits” attract, but whether at home or at the stadium someone is always going to be on THE HOT SEAT.

Before the days of StubHub the secondary ticket market was like the Wild West. In this 1990s set coming of age dramedy we meet Erica Bay, a typical teen trying to juggle school, experiencing all of the things that in 25 years only 90s kids will remember, work as a stadium usher and a secret double life as an underground ticket broker/scalper/thief/counterfeiting kingpin. Show her your ticket stub and she’ll show you to THE HOT SEAT.

Detective Richard Ecktive thought he was getting too old for this shit…literally. Just days before settling into a quiet retirement this Private Dick got the one call that could thrust him back into everyone’s business: Deuces Wild, a powerful new performance enhancing drug, is threatening the sanctity of baseball. Detectable only in feces Dueces Wild is like nothing the sports world has ever seen. Now, backed by the expressed written consent of the office of the commissioner of baseball and the Joint Drug Agreement Det. Ecktive and the elite sample collectors of the Fecal Activity Recovery Team must get to the bottom of this mess in this thrilling new crime procedural drama and discover the dirty little secrets that lurk beneath…
( •_•) 
( •_•)>⌐■-■ 
(⌐■_■)
THE HOT SEAT.
YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

To any Time Warner Cable Executives who may be reading this: it is now you who are on the proverbial hot seat.

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WANTED: Musicians needed for tribute band (LA)

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I am an aspiring singer/songwriter/preening rock deity looking for talented musicians to back up my 1980s/A.J. Ellis tribute band: Eight-Tay Ellis (possibly also stylized also 8.J. Ellis). We would mainly be parodying the biggest hits of the 1980s with A.J. Ellis themed lyrics to honor both the greatest decade and catcher of all time.

Here is a sample of some of what I’ve got so far:

Strike After Strike (Parody of Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time)

Pitches stolen…from way outside.
I’ll learn, it just takes time.

I will squat,
I will catch you,
I’ll be framing.
(I WILL BE FRAMING)

Strike after strike.

Strike after strike.

Beef Beef Jerky (Parody of Vanilla Ice’s Ice Ice Baby)

Hunger, makes your tummy go boom
A.J. brought the snacks so you better make some room
Jerky: beef, chicken, bacon or turkey
Flavor: plain, jalapeño, ranch, or teriyaki
It’s low in fat so you’ll never gain weight
You better try them all, fill up your plate.

If there is a product, yo, he’ll hawk it
Check out the jerky before A.J. Ellis devours it.

Beef Beef Jerky Game On, Beef Beef Jerky Game On
Beef Beef Jerky Game On, Beef Beef Jerky Game On

On Deck is 17 (Parody of Stevie Nicks’ Edge of Seventeen)

He was no more
(He was no more)
Than a backup then
Well, he seemed like a starter
Dioner blockin’ him
But the moment
Donnie Baseball
Called on him
All alone out on deck is 17.

He grabbed a batting glove
Swung a bat
Sounds like he’s swingin’
WHOOSH, BABY, WHOOSH WHOOSH

To be a part of this project it is imperative that you have a passion for 1980s pop music, the Los Angeles Dodgers and A.J. Ellis. If you like what you’ve seen and that sounds like you send me your demos and let’s party like it’s 1988!

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

• DO contact me to make music history